Tonight, I noticed...

As I put Greyson to bed, I had an out of body experience. You know, the kind where you really, really see your child and are amazed at their existence. The kind of moment where you are keenly aware of their every move, their every smile, the simple wave, the beautiful babble, or the touch of their soft skin.  I noticed it all tonight...

I noticed how when you picked out a bedtime book,  you walked backwards until you sank into my lap.  I noticed your amazing smile when mommy made the silly "dinosaur voice".  When I gave you your milk,  you decided to use one hand to hold your sippy-cup and dropped your most prized possession, Boo-Bear,  to hold mommy's two fingers....  And when you thought I didnt notice, you looked up at me and smiled...Tonight,  I noticed and my heart is over-flowing with love...

The hair-cut...

After a few more annoying innocent comments like: "isn't SHE cute!" and "whats HER name?" from complete strangers and of course, the upcoming trip to grandma's,  it felt only right to get him his first professional haircut.  I was told of a local barber in our small downtown who actually gives "new timer's" like Greyson an official "First Cut" certificate; I was super excited with the thought of even more scrapbook material and some photo-op moments!

As we waited patiently, I observed a little boy happily licking his sucker as his long blond strands fell to the black and white checkered tile floor.  I explained to my son that he too would soon be able to sit on the big black leather chair with a big red lollipop in hand.  He grinned with delight and lifted his arms to the chair as if he couldn't wait a second longer.  Soon after, we were called up. After some quick greetings and small talk,  our Barber, Mr. S got to business.  He placed a rather large "cape"  or "big-boy bib" as he called it over Greyson and tied it around his neck and it began....  He began crying.  Not just a whiny "can-I-get-down-now?" cry, but a screeching at the top of his lungs, foaming at the mouth, body aerobics kind of scene.  Mind you, no scissors were even in sight yet!   I pulled out his beloved miniature sized wooden Thomas train, I gave him my car keys,  and even bribed him with the lollipop. All of course, without success.

Mr. S.'s shop quickly filled up with every seat taken. I felt the impending pressure on Mr. S to move along quickly.  I gained my composure and held him down tightly in the chair with no room for wiggles as the cutting began.  As I held tighter, his flailing arms and legs kicked harder and faster.   His face now the reddest shade of red I have ever seen.  He cried so hard he held his breath for a few seconds what seemed like an eternity.  Mr. S anchored Greyson's neck down to his chin like a pro. My little boy screaming, gagging to the point of visible stomach twitching as if seconds from vomiting.

Through the screaming, gagging and kicking, I thought back to the countless times I had to hold down children in the ER for administering medications, shots and sutures.  In that moment, I couldn't help but feel a connection with all of "those mom's" who seemed they couldn't "hold it together" or even those that asked us to "be more gentle" as I held their child's face while sutures were being placed centimeters above their eye.

Ahh, that life-comes-full-circle theme keeps popping up everywhere... And in that moment, I made peace with those poor moms I considered "weak" and with the memories of my past life as a "get the job done" persona,  and I did what this new me had to do.   I removed him from the chair, hugged him tightly and thanked Mr. S for a job well done despite the unfinished business. We didn't get a photo, or a certificate and his hair....well, lets just say it wouldn't win any hair-cut contests.

Sickie-Boy Love

Sadly, my sweet baby toddler, has a little cold.  Fever every 6 hours accompanied by cough and congestion and runny nose....  During these 36 hours, I've had the most kisses on the lips, really long hugs and he actually sat on my lap watching The View for over 15 minutes while we waited for the motrin to kick-in.  In no way am I promoting illness in some sick and twisted manner to get my "lovie fix",  but it did feel nice!  It also felt great to see him back to his old self climbing inside the refrigerator and sliding down the stairs as fast as his little body could go!

I hope he knows that I am always here for him especially in times when he needs me most!

I love you my sickie-boy; Now, get better so we can go swimming!

Hiking South Mountain, NC: A Photo Blog

               Today, we decided to take a family hike to South Mountain State Park.

                       Me, smiling because we finally reached the top: What a workout!
                          More so for my husband who is carrying an additional 25 lbs!

                         But, after climbing and more climbing, this was the reward!

                                             And this! ( he loves water!)

                Looked like they were having fun!  Maybe one day we can jump in too!

                       Playing in the creek. (the water felt pretty cool, but he didn't care!)

                           He loved our day excursion as did we!  I think we'll be back!

Its official..boo-bear (the original) is gone for good ;(

Yes, it happened. Greyson's boo-bear (aka: blankie) is now in blankie heaven. Somewhere amidst the many dingy, ripped but loved bears, there he is, floating upon the soft puffy clouds...Or, in some dumpster put there by an oblivious Ingels Supermarket employee who found it (evidently, not a parent) and thought, Ehheww, gross!

By the third aisle of the supermarket, I became keenly aware that boo-bear was no longer attached to Greyson.  I quickly retraced our steps... over and over to no avail.  I was literally getting sick to my stomach after running down every grocery aisle, asking each department from the bakery to the meat section.  Finally, after frantically harassing every shopper with the description of boo-bear, and speaking to the office staff twice, I gave up. Well, not exactly.  I returned again in the evening to harass the next shift employees (just in case proper report was not given) and then called 2 more times that evening, but nothing...

And yes, it happened again, my son dealt with it superbly.  He has been taking the "poser" boo-bear at nap-time and bedtime now for 4 consecutive days without a hitch!
Me, on the other hand, I am still mourning it's loss and fighting the daily urge to call Ingels even though they clearly said "Ma'am, we'll call you!" You think calling 5 times in one day inquiring about a stuffed bear was excessive???

Anyway, as I put him to sleep tonight, I realized he didn't seem to have the same passion or the same Je ne sais quoi while holding THIS bear.  He no longer deeply smells THIS bear.  Nonetheless, he graciously accepted the poser bear each and every time knowing it wasn't the one.   His adaptability and flexibility amazes me!

transcending the gaps...

Having a child gives you a new perspective on many things... For me, not only has it changed the way I look at life, but also the way I remember my past and things taken for granted. In particular, I now find myself thinking a lot about my parents and their early struggles as they raised my sister and me.

Both my mother and father, came to this country shortly after they wed with one sole mission: to give their unborn children a better life. They did this with very little in their pockets and only a few words of English to get by on. They struggled with everything that we take so easily for granted, like earning a living and learning a new language in order to survive in their new environment.

My mother worked through the majority of my infancy & toddler years in a sewing factory and my father for a construction company in Philadelphia. I often think about how my mom must have felt dropping me off at daycare every day...Her heart breaking as she went out into that unfamiliar world, day after day, all for the purpose of giving us more... Although I know she would have loved to have the opportunity to raise my sister and me at home, that was not an option. I imagined her picking us up after putting in long hours at the factory, wrists still sore, making dinner while my dad was in by dusk. Although he was surely tired and his body aching from his long day, he always took time for hugs and kisses. I can still smell his cement-dusted, smiling face. Those few hours before bed-time was all they had with us, before starting all-over again.

I have so many fond memories of our time spent together. My favorite is that of playing in the sand and chasing seagulls. Their faces are vividly imprinted as I reminisce over these images, and those tender moments. I remember them lovingly watching us as we played, with that familiar sweet look. We would take day-trips to the beach on their free weekends and sometimes picnics at parks and much later we took a week at a time, for our summer family vacation. It probably set them back a pretty penny but, it became a tradition we looked forward to with excitement every year.

Although their free time was limited, they placed both of us in a Portuguese evening school a few times a week to better learn our native tongue. We were taught both reading & writing in Portuguese, along with history and culture.

As they continued working hard and saving diligently, their finances improved and we were able to visit their homeland: Portugal. They blessed us with the opportunity, for several summers, to meet our many cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents that welcomed us into their lives and enriched us with a culture that made us who we are today.

When I tell my mom about my son's day; his play-dates, his library program, his gymnastics and even his music class, she sounds amazed. Amazed and excited at how much there is to offer a little one year old these days. But somewhere in her voice, I hear her heart wishing, perhaps wondering why she didn't do more for us...and then suddenly it all makes sense. I remember our beach trips, our trips to Portugal and the prized weekends spent together and I see that look. The look of love only a mother or father can give...The look that is so familiar to me now that transcends any cultural or generational gap that ever existed. No music or gymnastic class can compete with it. That look says it all: You loved us just the same as I love my Greyson, no more and no less and that is all I could ask for.

Although somewhat biased, you were and are the best parents ever! I only wish I didn't take so many little and not so little things for granted.
Thank you!

The life of a Rock Star...

Us then....


This blog goes out to my dear friend Denise, who once told my husband and I about 4 years ago that we lived like "rock stars". I guess I just didn't quite understand what she meant then. But, I do now!


Having become parents after 9 years of living childless, I now realize my friend Denise was right. We did indeed live like rock stars! Here are just a few examples...

Our days off were mostly unplanned and always an adventure. We woke up whenever we decided. Bad night sleep, no problem naps were always an option! We tried to keep fit either by going to the gym, biking or running together.

Now: there are no days off...maybe an hour or two in shifts. Exercising only if we have the energy on much less sleep and always feeling guilty, but in shifts.


Getting ready to go out then was as much fun as the night out itself(or at least, what it seems like now!) I took nice long showers or bubble baths (whatever my little heart desired..)completely dried my hair section by section, making each strand perfect! I used specific lotions for face, body and feet.

Now: 4 1/2 minute showers ( I timed it once...) No blow dry-just a wet dripping ponytail, and maybe one lotion goes everywhere cream. When we do go out and have a babysitter, He is always on my mind..not neurotically, but he is there!


Accessorizing before: the trendiest bangles and bracelets

Now: extra pony-tail band around my wrist(in red or yellow..it doesn't matter) and if I am really feeling fancy, you'll see me sporting sunglasses on my head (rain or shine)to hold back my hair.

Eating Out then was always spontaneous! We indulged in whatever we so desired. Taking in the aroma, the flavor, making eye contact and having good conversation over some vino or a few margaritas with friends or just us, whatever...

Now: Much less eating out. Again, we eat in shifts. Conversation, always interrupted but mostly to our little guy pleading for him not throw food to the lovely childless couple next to us as they give us THAT look! The few times we do eat out, we must return before the magical bewitching hour of 6:30pm when our son suddenly turns into Grumpy Bear. Fine dining now includes anywhere limited to restaurants with tables we can write on...Bye-bye Mekvilli, at least for awhile!


Entertainment then: Movie theatre 3-4 times a month plus a Broadway show here and there...tickets to a last minute football game: we were there!

Now: Bootleg DVD (if we're lucky, they are not subtitled in some strange foreign language; that was fun...)


Vacationing Then: truly relaxing 'No Kids Allowed" resorts with daily massage/facials, naps in the sun, reading a few novels in less than a week! Naps together, and more naps...
Now: kid friendly and dog friendly places only...vacation?? Uh, I would refer to it more as physical challenge boot camp with kids and pets!


Although this may be somewhat exaggerated (sadly, probably not...) and sound very bleak, especially to those that are childless, here are just two things that outweigh all of this... I mean ALL of it!


*The look he gives me when he wakes up that makes me feel like a million bucks even on a day I haven't showered in a few days, and haven't brushed my teeth yet and "slept in the clothes I wore yesterday" kind of day. The look that tells me, he is my BIGGEST fan! Yep, THAT look!

*When he says "Mam-Mum" or "Da-Da"...In that moment, I realize that we are fully responsible for this little human life that is right in front of us, WOW, what an amazing, indescribable feeling that leaves you knowing you would never give this up for that other life. I certainly don't live like a rock star anymore, but right then, in that moment, I felt like one!

and us now!

These are the "rock star" red carpet events we frequent:our local library's Baby Bookworm class!